This is not the apocalypse.
However, some of you who know me will likely feel the need to check the taps for blood and the windows for hail when I tell you that I have purchased the Christmas ham.
I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW. But the ones at Hy-Vee looked bad and were all from horrible hog farms thousands of miles away, and Fareway wanted FORTY DOLLARS. So I went to Super Wal-Mart and bought a hickory smoked ham bigger than my head for $22. If I was going to buy from a horrible hog farm, it was going to be cheap, goddamn it.
What I want to know is why I had to resort to this when I live in the state with more hogs than humans. Tell me this.
But, anyway, I have ham. Enough for an army. Thank you, Wal-Mart, she said, sheepishly.
ETA: I also bought Tanqueray, and tonic. I think I will have a lovely G&T while I bake cookies this afternoon.