This is not the apocalypse.

 However, some of you who know me will likely feel the need to check the taps for blood and the windows for hail when I tell you that I have purchased the Christmas ham.

At Wal-Mart.

I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW.  But the ones at Hy-Vee looked bad and were all from horrible hog farms thousands of miles away, and Fareway wanted FORTY DOLLARS.  So I went to Super Wal-Mart and bought a hickory smoked ham bigger than my head for $22.  If I was going to buy from a horrible hog farm, it was going to be cheap, goddamn it.

What I want to know is why I had to resort to this when I live in the state with more hogs than humans.  Tell me this.

But, anyway, I have ham.  Enough for an army.  Thank you, Wal-Mart, she said, sheepishly.

ETA:  I also bought Tanqueray, and tonic.  I think I will have a lovely G&T while I bake cookies this afternoon.

9 Comments on “This is not the apocalypse.

    • I’m somewhat famous for my passionate dislike of it. I don’t like a lot of things about them, but mostly I just don’t shop there because I hate how it’s set up, hate the TVs, and hate most everything about it in general, and am pretty vocal about it. So there’s a bit of crow served with that ham, for me, anyway.

      • Personally, I hate Wal-mart because of their effect on the employment climate. If everyone worked there (or got paid on the Walmart payscale), no one would earn enough to go shopping! It would be more like: Food, clothes, housing. Pick two.

  1. Liz put a bug in my brain about making a pork loin for Christmas instead of a ham. She said she’s going to e-mail me a recipe for a molasses glazed pork loin that’s really good… I’m intrigued. Plus I really like pork loin, better than ham or turkey.

      • Ham is good, but we had some at the UU Thanksgiving, and it was so good that I think I’m spoiled for ham. My dad always cooks it till it’s dry and then slices it into sterile sandwich slices… the ham they had at the fellowship was unbelievable, so moist and tender, and the meat was pulled off the bone instead of cut across the grain. I’m afraid I can’t replicate it and I’ll be horribly disappointed.

        • Oh, no, that’s easy. Bone-in hams, cooked low and slow. Better if you can get a local, not-factory hog, but any good bone-in will do.
          Low and slow, with a good cup of water.

          • Yeah, that’s what we had at the fellowship (no surprise there), someone brought a “free range” ham that was locally grown. I’m sure that’ll be at least $40. šŸ™‚

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