Reboot the Wednesday

I’m sitting here feeling my arms going numb while my stomach cramps up, adjusting to Dan’s abruptly altered schedule, my failure to wake early and work, and the fact that now I am suddenly very tired.  Trying not to be angry with my dental appointment at ten, apprehensive of the therapy appointment at noon just because it’s the first.

I want a redo, so I’m giving myself one. 

Stood in the bath this morning pre-shower and looked and felt my body au naturale and for the first time in a long, long, long time thought, "That is not so bad."  Weird muscles I didn’t know I had are slowly toning.  My belly is less paunchy and more just plain feminine.  My curves are more curvy and less lumpy.  Legs still need a lot of work, but I’m liking the middle.  Starting to worry about the pants, though.  It’s better that they stay at my waist and not my knees.

Only have about five scenes or so to go in what I was calling part one of STB but am realizing I had called part two in the story.  So already I’m realizing it’s not as bad as I was thinking.  I think I envision it as parts one and two because there’s a big break after this last sequence, a time gap that takes us to either February or March from January.  I think it should probably be March, because we have to get to July.  But we’ll see.  Anyway, it’s still moving, and I got through a lot of yuck yesterday that I am glad to not have to repeat, just polish later.  

Bought an impulse treat for a friend which still makes me giggle every time I think about it, and get to mail it today.

Having a date with Dan on Saturday because my in-laws are coming to babysit.  Feeling like a geek because I’m reluctant to be gone the whole time because I’ve been missing my in-laws and want to see them, too.

Still hurting, but it’s less every cycle, and I’m getting good at pushing back.  Today is a problem because both stomach and schedule will keep me from pushing back most effectively, but I can do little cheats through the day.  Also, when I slouch now it officially hurts, which is great because that means my posture is starting to make a serious switch.

I’m drinking PG Tips tea with milk because the coffee was such an upset, and I’m almost glad, because PG is just so, so good.  I need go get back into it on a regular basis again.  There’s an almost floral quality to it that makes it feel magical.  And I love that it’s just regular tea in England, not some snotty effusive packaging stuff, and yet so good.  So Iowa.

I knew I’d made a major lifestyle change when we were grocery shopping last night and I nearly had a fit in the frozen foods aisle because I couldn’t find the bags of Hy-Vee Frozen Italian Style Vegetables, my total lunchtime crack.  Green beans (fancy ones, all flat), limas, califlower (how the hell do you spell that?  It keeps cussing.  Whatever.), carrots, and zucchini.  I stir fry it and put it over rice, or in spaghetti sauce, or eat it alone with balsamic vinagrete. (Again–why does spell check like no spellings of this?  And the dictionary is no help.  Screw it.)   It makes the world okay, and it wasn’t there, and I was almost screaming.  Then I found it, and then I thought, "Wow.  I just had a nic fit over FROZEN VEGETABLES."  How far we have come.

The heating pad I put on my stomach is starting to make me feel a lot better.  Am going to go take some IB (not voltaren, trying to save that) and knock off the last of my shoulder pain, and then work until dentist in an hour.

There.  Wednesday, rebooted.

I hope.

2 Comments on “Reboot the Wednesday

  1. From my vantage point, you are simply better each day than the one before. It is hard to remember the nadir of late December because you are just so much more yourself. That is not to discount any kind of pain or anxiety you may be feeling now which is certainly there, but I guess my point is that you are headed in the right direction! Sometimes it gets hard when we are mired in our own lives to even know what the right direction is. You, my love, are on the right track.

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