Always look on the bright side . . . .
The past five days or so have been a slow slide back into hip pain, which is aggravating because I’ve been working out and doing all the things I’m supposed to be doing. I made a special effort to get hip exercises in, and yet in the middle of the night I woke up with a stiff shoulder AND hip, and couldn’t sleep even with pain killers without having odd dreams. I kept dreaming and waking up from them only to find I was in another dream. It was a little bit hellacious, actually. ooshiny , at one point I was driving you and numbchuck at night through a snowstorm and accidentally took us onto a broken train bridge. I coudln’t make the car stop, though thankfully we didn’t go over the edge. And it just went on, and on, one damn dream after another. As a consequence, I had little sleep, and what I had was pretty frakked. Also, I had to take another Vicodin, which always pisses me off.
But I’m being proactive and not letting it get me down, mostly. Okay, I’m cranky, but I DID things about it, like make an appointment with my medical doctor, arranged to set up a reiki appointment, and I’m cutting off coffee for the time being, switching to tea and herbal only past noon, to make sure I sleep. (Also, once the hubby approves it, I’ll take Valerian at night if it goes well with the pain killers. Also, flower essences.) It seems like it’s part of the ebb and flow, and it isn’t awful, if I’m honest. I’m angry that it’s happening at all, angry that I don’t yet know really what it is or why, angry that doing hard work faithfully is paying less dividends than I’d like. But it isn’t January, though my brain is trying to tell me it is. And I know I can go to the fabric store and get a thick piece of foam for my shoulder and maybe a fresh one for my hip, and I bet that will help, because it did before.
The other thing is, this morning after I dropped off Anna, my happy, healthy, beautiful daughter, then left to have a day I was in charge of, with no other kids, no one at home, with a husband off making money enough to support the three of us and a good, good house in a great neighborhood with two cars and a garage, my freezer full of free meat from my in-laws who also want to buy us a chest-freezer so they can give us more free stuff (though I do trade for Gevalia coffee), and as I drove past all the crap houses and dive apartments that make the way home, with cars caked with ice and snow on the street, crappy cars at that, knowing some of the families there and that they both work and still don’t bring home enough, that their jobs aren’t secure and they don’t know what’s coming, I thought, "You know, you’d choose pain over that." And I would. Just like I have balked at anything for this health fix that costs too much money without serious results likely because I want more than anything to take a car trip out west with my family this summer. And we’re going to be able to do it, even in a recession. And Dan won’t lose his job. And I can afford reiki and talk therapy and drugs and all sorts of things. And I have people who support me, and try to help, and I have good friends. So, you know, if this is just the new normal, if sometimes I sleep crappy and pop a Vicodin (first one in over a week, and it was only one) and fight some shoulder and hip pain and have to get to the gym no matter what (and can afford to pay for that, too), then hey. Better living through chemicals, and thank you Universe.
And through all this, I’m still losing weight, slowly, diligently, and even though it screams at me, my body is toning up. So. Thanks again.
Though at this moment, I think my favorite thing is that the little interregnum project is really shaping into something, and I will probably finish it in the next few days (first draft, anyway). Best of all: it’s a kitsune story. A gender-bending, m/m, erotic kitsune story.
Really, how can you be too upset when life hands you that?