Apologies for those who saw some of this via tweets; there are a few people who read this for health updates who aren’t on twitter. Anyway, this is the expanded version.
The big news of the week is the neurologist appointment my doctor arranged for me because of my chronic pain was for March 24, not February, which I found out when I showed up at the appointment. Dan had taken the time off work to go also, and we’d arranged for Tom and Nina to drive over from Carroll (bit over an hour) to get Anna and wait on a delivery for us, so their failure not only to treat me but to even give me an accurate description of the appointment time caused inconvenience for all sorts of people. I thought surely that had to be a mistake, that they wouldn’t schedule me over a month away for something that Monday morning had me literally sobbing in the kitchen because it hurt so acutely, but no, they said that’s what they did, and only when I got nasty to the receptionist did she even bring up the possibility of a wait list. I hope the McFarlane neurology department enjoys their karma.
The better news is that the chiro previously mentioned is working. I had my second adjustment today. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not pain free, and the adjustments hurt quite a bit. I feel a bit battered when I leave, but it’s better as the day goes on, and, again, my arms aren’t falling asleep at night. I was back in the gym on Tuesday and I intend to go again tomorrow.
I’m not yet convinced that this is The Answer, largely because I thought I was on the road to recovery several times now and the relapses have devastated me every time, so I’ve gotten myself into the mental place of trusting nothing for long term and trying to enjoy good days as they come and resting and working through bad days when they happen. Those of you who know me well will understand that I don’t do that sort of acceptance easily, which is why I’m coupling all of this with some talk therapy and some reiki. Sadly, all these damn appointments mean it’s really hard to sub, which makes paying for them even more interesting. Thank God I married a pharmacist.
Though, jokes aside, the best thing going right now is Dan. He will say things like, "What else would I do?" but there are no words to describe what it means to be able to lean on him, for his help and support, sometimes literally on bad days. He keeps trying to save me, feeling like he’s not doing enough, and I keep trying to tell him just by being here he does more than he will ever know.
Writing has been hard to come by lately with all this craziness, but it’s still rolling around in my head, and I hope to dive back in tomorrow. One thing I can report on that front is that I think I know the answer I’ll give when people ask me "what kind of novels do you write?" a question which has stumped me in the past. The new answer is "fairy tales." Because that’s what the short, light-hearted erotica turned into. Another fairy tale. I don’t know why it took me this long to figure that out. I mean, I read them like insanity when I was little, played fairy tale with my Barbies, then wrote fairy tales. That’s all I’ve ever written. Some are modern, some are fantasy, some are historical, some are mixed, some are magical, some are subtle, but they’re all fairy tales.
So now I know. It’s nice to have that settled.
And that’s what I have to report tonight.