Bury Her, Unbury Her
Bury her; unbury her.
Lay her in the shallow grave
Fill her mouth and eyes with sand.
Heave the weight upon her chest
Close her tight
Close her tight.
Unbury her when her life grows faint
Learn to wait until it is almost gone
Not the first cry, not the second
Not the plea for mercy
Not the call for comfort
Wait until you feel her despair in the back of your teeth
Then pull her up, and up, out of the dark, out of the close
Wipe away the sand
Breathe life into her lungs again
Then bury her again.
Wind her tight, too tight
Like a clock
Wind her until she weeps, cries, screams
Wind her until her eyeballs bulge
Wind her until her toes curl up
Wind her until her breath is short and her heart is banging
Bong bong bong bong
The drum of life
Wind her until the drum beats so hard it nearly breaks.
Wind her past what she says she can bear
Wind her past her endurance
Until you feel the break upon her
Until you can feel the crack begin
Then let her go
Send her into ease
Whisper of accomplishment and change
Encourage if she makes meaning of her trial
Then wind her again, until that meaning cracks.
Take away that what she loves
Listen carefully to what she says
she cannot do without
Hear what she is afraid to do
Observe what she does not want
Leave her aching and desolate
Take more, do more, push more
More and more and more
Gauge carefully her screams and sobs, listening
So, so carefully
Until her mind is nearly snapped
Until she loves nothing
Then give to her
Wash her in indulgence and security
Until she is once again trusting and safe
Then take it away again.
Tell her of God.
Tell her of God and angels
Tell her of heaven and hell
Teach her to believe
Teach her that she must believe
Structure her world so that God is her center and her core
Until she can feel the surety of the rock beneath her feet with every step
Make it so solid she is a priestess
Give her God until He is so close he is grafted to her soul.
Then take Him away.
He cannot exist.
Take it all
Leave her with nothing
Not even herself
Take all of it, until she is so unstable she is less than air.
Then give Him back again.
Twist her insides until they bleed
Give her cancer
Give her disease
Give her nightmares
Kill her loved ones
Lead her to betrayal
Better still, teach her to betray
Wrench and bend her to the breaking point
Over and over again
In as many ways as you can
Always bringing her back once you have found how far that she can go.
Do this always
Do this forever
Do this endlessly
Do this with mercy
Do this with love
Always, forever, endlessly, do this with love.
Do all these things and more to her
Do it until the day you go too far
Do it until she takes the stake, shovel, blindfold, or knife from your hand
Do it until her life ends and she stand before you
More now than she ever was
Altered so starkly from what she was when you both began.
When you reach the end
When she stands before you thus
And not before
Only then may you ask her
You must, always
Bury her; unbury her.