Not the start I was hoping for, but we’ll punt.

I think I’ve failed to mention here that I’ve had neck issues since the accident.  A lot of my failure to mention this stems from denial; I didn’t want to have neck problems, so I pretended I didn’t.  But the truth is that since I went to my chiro’s office for a routine, part-of-my-cross-to-bear scheduled repair attempts for my chronic issues the day of the accident, I’ve had a stretchy, painful feeling on my right neck.  It only happens at night, but it causes all manner of hell because while it over-stretches and turns into angry, throbbing pain, my attempts to wriggle into a more comfortable position put me in bad positions for the other issues, and often I’m having the same kind of shitty sleep that nearly drove me batshit crazy in February.  Complicating this is the fact that if I experience too much pain for too long, my brain wakes up, and my night is over.  Normally I"m sleep deprived enough that after a half hour or so I fall back asleep again, but tonight (this morning?) I have too much OHMYGODTRIP adrenaline pumping through me, and so, alas, my night’s sleep that began at midnight is now done at 2:30.  And to be honest it was over at two.

So I’m hoping that in about another twenty minutes I’ll be able to at least get a decent nap in until five, but I’m not holding my breath.  I may do a beta I’d just last night said I had to back out of, because suddenly I’m sitting here with very little to do.  It’s either beta or read my two zillion google reader feeds.  Or tweet endlessly to myself.  But however I slice it, this wasn’t the way I wanted to start the trip.  I will admit that I am very nervous about my pain issues fucking this up, by either making me miserable or worse, slowing us down and making us miss things.  I am absolutely terrified of sleeping in strange beds.  I’ve slept in one for one night since this horseshit began, and it was apocalyptically bad, not because of the bed but because of my damn body.  And this neck thing isn’t a good start–not to mention that I have no chiropractic visits until I return, either.  Though the real issue is that muscle that is just too stretched and too painful, and which gets worse at night when I lie on my stomach or side.  Even with my good pillow.

The only good thing is that chiro is currently gratis because of the car insurance.

I’m not going to let this get me too down.  I’ve already made Anna’s bed and packed her iPod and headphones, something that had to wait until morning and is now done.  I’ve eaten a bowl of cereal and folded the towels from the dryer.  I considered starting other laundry, but then decided no, let’s not be insane.  The good news is that all we have to do is shower, eat, pack the coolers, pack the car, run through the is-it-turned-off-etc checklist, then head west.  I’ll do the beta (it’s short), try for a snooze, and if it’s four AM and I’m still awake, I’ll go start the coffee early, catch a shower, and get us moving out the door that much sooner.  Well, and maybe do a few of my PT exercises to help ensure the rest of my system doesn’t send out error messages.  And I’ll plan to do some serious napping in the car, where I can use the neck donut thing and hopefully avoid the neck issue altogether.

Today it’s Denver or bust.  Chronic pain I am leaving behind as much as I possibly can.

One Comment on “Not the start I was hoping for, but we’ll punt.

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