The Wednesday state of my head

 I just realized that the 10:30 hair appointment I thought I had is actually at 12:30; it’s telling that my reaction to that was not, "Oh, good, now I have time to write this morning after all" but "Oh, shit, I have time to write now after all."  I’m in that hard place where you want to write but haven’t returned to a groove, and worse, whatever I’m picking up right now is a start: start back into redrafting STB, which has sent me back to the beginning, AGAIN, or begin revising SHINING LIGHT, which is what I think I’m landing on, but it’s the starting bit, and I’m angsty.  All I want to do is play Sims 3, which I will do at some point because it’s good brain release, but it needs to be a reward for two hours of work, not the avoidance of two hours of work.  And even when I make that resolve, I think of the dirty house (cats make a hella mess after two weeks alone, largely in hair tumbleweeds with some sick for accent) and mountain of laundry, and the yard that should be weeded and the scrapbook I should start.  Ah, so many things I could do besides write.

This morning I did make it to the gym, and by morning I mean six AM.  This is because I don’t want to try and go with Anna along, but because she’s home from school, I need to go before or after Dan goes to work.  I went after on Monday, and it was a real disaster, one because it was my first day back and two because I’m more tired at the end of the day.  Today was much better.  I still feel like my midsection is made of jello, though.  Thinking seriously of purchasing a medicine ball for now and a Bosu very soon.  My arms and shoulders are already happier, and my hips/glutes are slowly groaning back into place, but my belly is still just lost.  It was this way before I went, and now it’s just awful.  I became so uncomfortable on the trip, largely because of my middle area.  Once you’re accustomed to feeling some strength there, it’s truly awful when it goes.  Thus the motivation to wake at 5:15 and get to the gym.  I would do it again in a heartbeat: it’s truly wonderful to feel like your body can hold itself upright.  I plan to make this state continue and improve as much as I can.

The rest of my brain that isn’t trying to write or get out of writing is thinking very hard about publishing.  At this moment I am leaning on trying SHINING LIGHT on some small presses I’ve been seeing hither & yon on the net while at the same time preparing THE SEVENTH VEIL for Lulu.  I’ve done a lot of research on self-publishing and the current market, and while I’m convinced SP is the way to go unless you’re feeling very lucky or have golden connections (and even then is no sure thing for more than the next few months), I’m not comfortable with the investment portion.  It would take several thousand of capital, possibly up to ten, and I do not have that.  I waffle on whether or not having the pressure to perform would help push me if I did have it, but since I don’t, it’s a moot point.  I’m going to keep educating myself, and if I get any traction on book one of the Etsey series, I’ll consider fully self-publishing in my own press for subsequent books.  In the meantime, I will learn more by trying through other publishers and hopefully build up some sort of visibility through the same.  In an even deeper portion of my hindbrain I’m toying with marketing strategies.  Watch this space, because it will probably involve freebie things via this blog.  Also, by the end of the summer, I’m going to have a website.  

That’s me.  And now that I’ve procrastinated another half hour, I should really hang it up and go write.

One Comment on “The Wednesday state of my head

  1. Hiya! Great to have you back! Have enjoyed keeping up with your travels – and it was lovely to get the postcard! You came back to catsick? Poor you. 😦
    We went away one weekend and came back to find the kitchen had been invaded by millions of ants, in all the cupboards and everywhere… Ever since then the husband has been paranoid about it happening again, and does a massive chemical blitz on the place before we go anywhere!
    Hmm. Self-publishing? That’s a lot of capital. And you’d have to do a helluva lot of marketing, I imagine, if you go it alone.
    I’d be very interested to hear about the getting of the website – just one of the many things I think I really ought to know about!
    Anyway, glad to have you back safe – and hopefully the writing will come along again once you’re settled back in properly. 😀

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