*bangs on door of story to get out*
I am still trying to get out of Two To Tango. It’s still not happening.
It’s so close that it’s ridiculous. It’s drafted, but it has issues still. What is making me crazy is that it’s starting to feel like whack-a-mole. If I fix one problem, another part of the story unravels because of what I just did. If I can back up and be objective, overall I think I’m making progress, but it doesn’t feel like it. This is because I’m tired of it.
Part of it is that I’m tired, but mostly it’s that I’m tired of IT. I took two days off this week to do school/clothes/stuff shopping with Anna. I’ve taken days off to do scrapbooking stuff (more on that later). I’ve employed all manner of tricks to get myself into the story. But they aren’t working, because I am by and large ready TO BE DONE.
I’ve contemplated several times just taking August off, period, at least until Anna goes back to school on the 19th, but all that will mean is that THIS will be waiting for me. I’d rather have this done by the time gets here next Wednesday and shove it off to beta readers, saying, "Go ahead. Take it until the 20th. Really." and then do one more quicky cleanup before sending it to Saritza. I still think this is the best plan. I just can’t seem to get myself organized behind it.
It’s hard because the draft did not organically set up some of the situations, which always ends badly. There’s this project they engage on through the latter half of the story especially, and the project itself is just a device, but it needs to make logical sense and be somewhat believable. I suspect the answer is easier than I’m feeling like it is. I just can’t feel it.
The problem is that every time I sit down, a part of me starts screaming, "I’M TIRED. I’M TIRED. I’M TIRED. I WANT TO DO SOMETHING ELSE." Like, right now this part of me wants to lie down on the bed with my feet against the wall and listen to Barrayar on Audible. It sounds awesome. But it doesn’t get this writing done.
I think the way out of this is to make deals. I’m going to start setting the timer for thirty minutes. For every thirty minutes working, I get… well, I don’t know how many minutes lying down. (That voice is suggesting THREE HOURS. Not likely.) Twenty, maybe? Thirty would be equal time, but that will never get this done, not with all the cleaning and other such things we need to do around here. There’s also the problem that once I get out of my rhythm, it’s hard to get back in.
Honestly, I just want out. I want to be done, I want to let it be what it will be, flaws and all. And I think there’s something to that. It just can’t quite be this out of alignment.
*Sigh.* All right. I have Kelly Howell on the headphones, and I’m going to go refill my coffee cup. Maybe 45 minutes and then Barrayar.
Want to be done, want to be done, want to be done….