BYWB Blog Tour Post and Reluctant Zen

First things first. Go here to read about authors’ Valentines Day stories, including how my husband and I gave each other the same card on our first V-Day together. Also enter the contest again.

Meanwhile, back in my brain…

I don’t know what switch I flipped, but I done flipped it, and I cannot stand to be on the Internet at the moment. I’m way behind on email and things I need to do and have to force myself to do the bare minimum of all social networking/etc contact every day. Writing is actually coming okay. About 11k into a project I am not discussing because lately when I discuss things I can’t finish them, so here’s hoping keeping mum works some magic. God knows I need something.

What I am pretty sure I need, actually, is to meditate in some kind of fashion. I’ve been getting all kinds of messages from the universe lately, everything but a neon sign telling me to OHM NOW OR ELSE, and yet it’s amazing the lengths I will go to in order to not sit still and be one with the universe for even ten minutes. I either wander off in mental noodles or pass out asleep. It’s weird, because a part of me truly, truly wants to relax and unplug, and I can almost taste the good things it would give me, like, you know, sanity. And yet how I run.

I mentioned this to my therapist yesterday, who is a Buddhist and as you might assume does more than a fair amount of meditation, and she had an interesting tidbit that really helped me feel less frustrated with the whole meditation thing: apparently we all suck at it because we’re wired to hate it. The reason we feel allergic to it is that it goes against all the ways we’re programmed to be, and the very act of sitting still and observing, pulling back, makes our brain work actively to get the fuck out. I had no idea, but now that I know that, I don’t feel quite so bad. Weirdly, it makes me want to go sit and meditate.

Of course, I don’t actually do it. I just think I might actually want to try. I’m not sure if that’s progress or moving the dust around.

And at this point my brain is screaming from too much internet once again. I feel another episode of Medium calling. Catch you all later.

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